I stepped far out of my comfort zone when I accepted the invitation to speak. Sure, I was a competent and confident administrator and head nurse, but I was an inexperienced public speaker who'd momentarily forgotten that she was also terrified of the spotlight.
The day long seminar on renal failure was designed for university students and professional nurses, and included speakers from various health care disciplines. Each of us was assigned approximately one hour to cover our area of expertise and answer questions from the audience.
At first, I was honored to have been asked to speak. Having trained small groups of nurses and technicians, I was comfortable with the material and didn’t think teaching a larger audience would be too challenging, but as the seminar date approached I began to panic. Frantically, I offered up a series of “Lord, save me from this and I’ll do anything for you forever” pleas for mercy, and secretly hoped for a case of laryngitis or the flu – anything that would excuse me from the commitment.
New in my walk with Christ, I had yet to learn the discipline of acknowledging the Lord “in all my ways.” I’d been “wise in (my) own eyes” and accepted the invitation to speak without seeking God's wisdom. Meeting me where I was in those early baby-step days, the Lord lovingly graced me in abundance. “I’ll give you every penny of the honorarium, Lord, if you’ll just get me through this,” was my final plea, and that’s exactly how it happened. My knees may have knocked as I stood behind the podium, but I was relaxed and self-assured in my presentation that day. Sunday, and the opportunity to place my speaker's fee in the offering plate, couldn't come fast enough.
Over thirty years later, the Lord rightfully expects more from me. He’s more inclined to let me fall on my face when I step out in my own foolish wisdom and feeble strength and make plans and commitments outside His counsel – not because He’s less kind or loving, but because He is good. I’d never know the peace and joy of trusting Him if He always rescued me from myself. And that is abundant grace, too.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes.Proverbs 3:5-7a ESV
{Slightly edited from the archives.}
