Tuesday I did something that six months ago I could not have imagined, and for a variety of reasons I'm still trying to untangle, it was humbling and even embarrassing.
I borrowed a walker from my eighty-year-old friend - for me.
It's the morning I dread. I lie in bed - Louis at work - and I wonder how I am going to get up. I wrap the heating pad around my right hand and wrist or under my knees and linger a bit longer - soaking up the healing warmth.
But the longer I stay in the bed, the greater the challenge. I simply must get up, but as I try to stand, my ankles buckle in pain and my knees will neither bend nor straighten.
I struggle with every single step. Lord help me.
I clearly need help. But I am the helper - the giver of care - and asking for help does not come easy.
Tuesday morning I knew I could not be the helper my older friend Joyce needed. I could barely get dressed or brush my hair. I swallowed my pride and called a friend for help.
I asked Joyce if she might have a walker I could borrow, and she led me to her garage and a brand new walker - with tags still hanging from the handles - that for at least three years has been stored - unused.
I helped Joyce get a shower, and my friend Linda took Joyce's dog for a walk, changed the sheets, and later drove Joyce into town.
Linda told me she was dressed in riding shorts when I called her that morning. She'd planned to go bike riding with a neighbor, but the neighbor had just called to say they couldn't make it.
I wonder what I will do now, Linda thought - just as her phone rang again.
It was, of course, the call for help from me.
Out of my distress I called on the LORD;
the LORD answered me and set me free.
(Psalm 118:5 ESV)
I love the LORD, because he has heard
my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me,
therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
(Psalm 116:1-2 ESV)
Addendum: That was Tuesday. Wednesday morning I got out of bed much easier with the help of the walker and I called my rheumatologist. My current medication regime was obviously not working. Until I go for lab work and see him next month, he wants me to return to the higher doses of prednisone I was taking back in December. It's a mixed blessing. It means having to do all the hard work of coming off prednisone all over again, but the benefits far outweigh the pain and disability I have been experiencing. I'm confident that when I see the doctor next month, we will find a medication regime that will work, but for now, the prednisone is getting me back on my feet.
On this Good Friday, I have much for which to be grateful - beginning and ending at the cross and I will call on my Lord as long as I live.
Photos: Late Tuesday afternoon I pushed myself to wander through the pasture. I'm determined to learn how to use my new camera. The photos are from that rather painful wandering.
13 comments:
I admire your determination to get pictures even if it involves pain.You show great strength.I did not realize just how difficult daily life is for you.Our God will provide His strength and peace.May it help even a little,knowing that somewhere in Canada you have a blog friend who cares and is praying for you.
Ruth, thank you so much. It means much to know that I have blog friends who care and pray.
I really am doing much better. I pray that others will see that God is just waiting for us to ask for help...and many times He has already prepared for the answer.
I'm not sure you should admire my "determination" - my husband thinks I'm just "bull headed stubborn." =)
God bless!!!
Patricia... wishing you well. And prayers as well.
Thank you, JC. I really am well.
So good to hear from you. God bless you!
Pat, once again I am touched and blessed by your open heart in sharing your struggles. We cannot pray unless we know what someone is going through. In addition, when you share your struggles, you are touching someone else who also has difficulties. Thank you for being so transparent my friend and sharing your talents even though to do so is costly in terms of your discomfort. You are a blessing in my life and the lives of many others.
Barbara, you KNOW how much your friendship and prayers mean to me.
I really do hesitate to share these struggles...I don't want pity or sympathy...I want others to see how much the Lord loves us and is just waiting for us to call on Him for help.
Enjoy that Gavinator...as though I need to tell you that. =)
Much love, many hugs, and full of prayer for you, my dear friend! Stubborn? Nahhhhh - strong. ;-)
Love and hugs back at you, dearest Melonie!
Well...if I'm strong, it's the joy of the Lord that's my strength!
Louis would still say stubborn.
How good is our God - leaving Linda free as He knew you would need her! Yes Pat, I can understand the humiliation and embarrassment, the outrage that your body won't do what you want it to do - that no matter how strong your will, you can't will your body to obey. I pray you find peace about that in the Lord. It's hard, it really is.
Looks like you're really learning that new camera well. Your pictures are beautiful.
May you have a most blessed Resurrection Day, sweetheart. Love you.
Allie - YES!!! Linda was free and the walker was just waiting for ME!
I do have peace. Frustrated, humbled, humiliated moments - but at peace. And I KNOW that you know what it is like. (((Hugs)))
That happened to be the 10th anniversary of my sweet mother's death...and I remember, all too well, her struggles with RA...and all the medical/handicap equipment we had here at the house for her. I think that was part of my struggles...bringing a walker into our home on that particular day.
Happy Resurrection Day to you, too, dearest Allie.
It really is hard to ask for help... that inner pull that we have to take charge and do it "all by myself". I think this "control" issue is the hardest fight I have... who is really in control.. God or myself. He has such a better plan for me.. why do I fight for control so hard and long? God never said our lives would be easy.. but He promised to carry us when we can't walk on our own. I see that He provided for you once again as He has for me too... and what a beautiful reward for depending on God... such beauty... and those buckeyes!
As for walkers... At my parent's 50th wedding anniversary party, Mom's bridesmaids were all present and when we did the ceremony and they made their way down the isle it was a walker brigade... and just lovely. Mom found that the square type with the "four on the floor" so to speak, became more difficult for her to manage with doors and lifting it every step or pushing it forward. They also didn't have any braking system. She found a triangular one with three wheels and handle brakes as you see on a bike. It rolls smoothly, folds up easily and she can get doors open, even the car door, on her own with it. She has deposited the other one in the storage.
Many prayers going up that you will find the right therapy you need and feel much better soon.
Patricia, I urge you to go see Dr. Todd Robinson of Robinson Family Clinic in Lakeland. He has helped many with RA so much. Additionally, if you want to see fast pain relief, do the Hallelujah diet for 90 days. You will feel so much better. Good luck to you!
Sue
I'm honored to know a person like you. I love that you wrote about this. So close to Jesus' heart.
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