Showing posts with label Total Knee Replacement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Total Knee Replacement. Show all posts

Tuesday

The gift of a day...



An early morning fog lays thin across the pasture and fields when I leave home for appointments in the city, but as I turn onto the rural highway and head west, the fog seems to melt in an instant in the sun's majestic rise.

The horizon behind me is brushed orange and wispy clouds streak across the massive globe's face, and the reflection in my rear view mirror is breathtaking.

I've been looking forward to this day for a week. Since Louis' retirement two months ago, I've yet to establish a new and happy rhythm for meeting my introvert longings for silence and solitude. I'm thrilled for Louis and incredibly grateful for this new season of opportunities for both of us, but like every life change, it requires adjusting to a new normal. The hour drive alone to the city and then back home appeals to my longings.

The appointment with my orthopedic surgeon is equally anticipated. As strange as it may sound, I've missed seeing him and his staff as frequently as before. A few months before my surgeries two years ago, I wrote:
My Thursday morning trips to the city to see Lizzie for knee injections are almost like going to church. I leave that office not just with medicine in my knee, but inspired and encouraged to steadfastness and hope
This visit I leave copies of our book for my doctor, his nurse and Lizzie (who, sadly, is on vacation), and we talk photography, church, and going to Israel as much as we do my health. And when the doctor tells me I'm a poster patient for recovery from knee surgery and he doesn't need to see me again for 5 years unless I have a problem, I'm actually heartbroken. 

My second appointment is for lab work and is less anticipated. I don't dread it, I have lab work often and schedule it ahead of time so I don't have to wait, so when I open the door to the waiting room with no empty seats and a heavy aroma of too many people in one room, I'm grateful I'd made an appointment. I arrive early so I'm not surprised that I'm not called soon after signing in, but when my appointment time passes I begin to wonder.

The receptionist informs me that she has no record of my appointment and that it will therefore be at least another 45 minute wait so I might want to reschedule. I resist the urge to argue or complain and tell her I live too far away to reschedule. I'll just wait. I'm learning again and again to accept challenges and inconveniences and interruptions to my predetermined plans with grace. They might be divinely appointed, after all. 

I shop for a few necessities, order a tall iced coffee, and return to the highway and the quiet and solitude of driving the rural route home. 

Along the way I briefly stop by a small and rarely visited park. The end of summer is merely a date on the calendar, and I haven neither the desire nor the fortitude to stay long in the heat and humidity that will linger well into fall down here, but I don't like to pass by opportunities to seek and capture beauty. 


I told my editor a few weeks ago that I'm a slow and insecure writer. As much as I wish I could tell her that I'll meet deadlines early, I know I'm going to hold on to the final second. I edit (and still miss errors) to the nth degree before I press send. That said, I'm going to try to be less insecure and more productive here in Pollywog Creek, but I'm not making promises. 

I have a couple of book reviews (and giveaways) scheduled over the next couple of weeks. AND I'm resurrecting Encou{RA}age, hopefully with the addition of many guest posts. I wrote a revised introduction here, and a fantastic contribution from Amy Smith was posted yesterday. Please visit Amy and consider subscribing and sharing Encou{RA}ge with someone you know who lives with an invisible, autoimmune disease like RA. 


Enough about me. What about you? Have you or are you experiencing a life change that is requiring adjustments in your routine? And are you an introvert like me who loves people but also craves quiet and solitude? 

Thursday

Forgetting to breathe {and Psalm 84.5 memory verse}...

Psalm 84.5

The winter days here on Pollywog Creek have been muggy, gray and gloomy - not the cool and sunny days we {and the snow birds who migrate south} have always known winter to be at the edge of the tropics. It's been a reflection of a grief I've been wrestling to shake.

The new year holds hard transitions before me, and my heart has been heavy with grieving the changes to come that taunt and mock my here-and-now joy.

The physical therapist straps two-pound weights on my ankles, and half way through her prescribed routine that stretches and strengthens the muscles and ligaments around my surgery-scarred knees, my heart begins to race and I realize I'm forgetting to breathe. 

A month ago, shortly after the last surgery when pain was at it's worst and it was all I could do to hold onto the walker and move from the bed to the chair, I'd listened to Mark Talbot's message on suffering
Losing perspective in suffering is stifling; it is like forgetting to breathe. More particularly, we Christians can forget that we are never alone, no matter what we are undergoing, because God is with us, just as he was with those saints who have been in similar straits before. Sometimes we are especially prone to forget when we are dealing with some chronic disability of our own or of one of our loved ones that seems to just be going on and on, with no end in sight. We need then, especially, to be reminded to breathe in the word that God has breathed out for us (2 Timothy 3:16–17).

The Scriptures record a lot of suffering because God’s people have never been free of it, not even from the kinds and degrees that can overwhelm God’s most stalwart saints. Indeed, when Job’s suffering seemed to him to be neverending, he actually accused God of keeping him from catching his breath (see Job 9:18, NLT). Yet his story finally conveys that, as awful as his situation was, much of what he needed to hear was something like this: “Breathe! Don’t panic! Slow yourself down! Don’t take everything to be as it seems. And don’t irrationally conclude that things will never get better.
As Talbot suggests, I begin to breathe - breathing out laments and breathing in grace. God is good and He is with me. I breathe deep, word-soaked breaths and my heart is slowed and strengthened for the journey.


Monday

After the battle::looking up {a December photo essay}

December 4

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December 5 {Day before surgery}

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December 12 {First day to sit outside with my camera since surgery December 6th}

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December 14

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December 18

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December 27 {First day to walk around outside with a camera since surgery}

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December 30

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Two major surgeries in two months just before Christmas might have been more than this not-as-strong-and-young-as-she-thought-she-is me should have considered.

I was prepared for pain, but not the brittle emotions and the darkness that steals joy and veils the beauty of Christmas. My throat would burn as I choked back tears and counted more griefs than gifts.

But that battle with the blues has waned, and as I knew He would - for He withholds no good thing, God showed me where I'm weak and where He wants me to grow, and how He will be my strength.

How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise! Selah
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion
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As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.
O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!
Psalm 84 ESV

To you I lift up my eyes,
O you who are enthroned in the heavens!

Psalm 123:1


Wednesday

So I'm battling the blues...

Advent 2013

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Advent 2013

Advent 2013


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I'm not one to write from a place of melancholy, but after this second surgery, it's where I've been hanging out.

Please don't feel sorry for me. My head and my heart know it's just a season, and all I have to do is read the Psalms to know I'm in good company.

Sometimes we bring the blues on ourselves, and to be honest, I can entertain negative thoughts and lies in a proverbial woe-is-me party until I wander right into a pit of doom.

Sometimes we can hang onto hope while the circumstances of life push us in the pit's direction until a "last straw" shoves us over the edge.

Or maybe we've been walking on sunshine when a boulder drops out of nowhere and pancakes our faces into the dirt.

Whatever. It happens. Even, and especially, at Christmas.

Two years ago, I won a story writing contest at Joe Bunting's The Write Practice. The contest theme that month was Winter Solstice, so I wrote about Christmas. My story (a true story that was eventually published in an anthology a year later) was The Worst Christmas Ever. 

One reader had this say about my worst Christmas story: It's such a beautiful story because it doesn't try to be beautiful, just to be real.

One of my sons called yesterday afternoon - concerned about me and my struggling with the blues facebook status a few days ago. It's not like me to be blue or to be so open about it in social media. I'm just trying to be real, and the truth is that it not only makes it possible for others to encourage and pray for me when they know my needs, but it motivates others to find the courage to be real as well. 

I love the Body of Christ. When the feet hurt, our hands massage them. When the heart hurts, the mouth speaks words of truth and life. When we fall into a pit, the arms lift us up. Thank you, Jesus, for your Church.

So I'm battling the blues, but the shade's not as dark as it was a few days ago. And I ask God, what are you trying to show me in this season? God is good and He is faithful. I know that He will show me, and I know that it will be for my good.

Before going into the hospital, I scheduled Advent posts for the following week. I've been tempted to schedule all 25 days, but I realized a couple of days ago that God is using the simple act of preparing the next day's post with a photo and scripture to speak truth and life into my soul. It's a little thing, but it's a daily infusion of truth that opens a window to light.

Where are you this Christmas? Does it feel like the worst or the best Christmas ever?  If it feels like the worst, I understand. My advice to both of us is to be real. Let's not hide our pain, but share it with those in the Body of Christ we trust to hold our hearts gently and to speak words of life into our souls. 

My our lives be infused with Gospel truth that redeems and restores.

Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.

Isaiah 60.1

Friday

Advent Day 13::glory, glory, glory...

December 13

December 13

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

Luke 2:13-14 ESV

The following resources were used to create one of my most popular series of posts and photographs here on Pollywog Creek. Through Advent 2013, I will be posting them again, with occasional rare commentary. They speak for themselves.

I'll also be posting again later today - with a recap of this last week's journey with 41 staples down the front of my left leg and the grace I've been given to hold onto Advent through pain and discouragement. God is good - no matter what.

UPDATE: If you've returned in hopes of finding the promised second post, I beg for grace. I awakened weary and weepy and in need of cheering. The Advent I'd been holding onto had slipped from my hold, 'til Grace poured in on the wings of sisters. My recap must wait 'til tomorrow. 

 In addition to the resources listed below, I'm adding Ann Voskamp's The Greatest Gift - Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas to my daily readings this year.

The Cradle to the Cross Wreath by Caleb Voskamp
{ The empty "manger" at the end of the spiral in some of the photographs is not part of Caleb's wreath, but from a creche made of olive wood that was a gift from my parents many years ago.}

Advent Scriptures and Readings
The Handel's Messiah Family Advent Reader by Donna W. Payne and Fran Lenzo

Children's Bible
The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

Tuesday

The testing of boundaries...

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Five weeks after total knee replacement and my therapist thinks I’m doing great, but it’s hard work, and I sometimes get weary at the thought of starting all over again next month after surgery on the other knee. About the time I gain some independence back, I’ll be dependent on others again, and it bristles against the stubborn “I can do it myself” me.

I’ve been advised to wait six weeks before driving after right knee surgery, but I’m anxious for some of that temporary independence and decide to look for a loophole in the advice. Thanks to Google I find it.

I'm over at Dan King's Bible-Dude this morning if you want to know more about that loophole and what I did after finding it.

Friday

Still Saturday::growing in season...

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I knew that surgery on my knees would initially be a setback - that I'd enter a season of greater dependency on others and they'd be less able to depend on me. And I dreaded it. It just seems like so much wasted time, when time is too precious to be wasted. But then I read this from Margaret Feinberg in "A Time for Everything" and I'm encouraged to remember that no season is wasted - that I can still "seek and celebrate God" and choose to grow even in this season of dependence.
Some seasons of life will be marked by transition and change; others will be defined by their steadiness. Some seasons in life will challenge us to give; others will teach us to receive....The amazing news of being a child of God is that no matter what season of life we find ourselves in we have the opportunity to seek and celebrate God right in the midst. We can choose to grow in the fullness of all God has called and created us to be. Becoming more Christ-like isn't something that's just awaiting you in your next season of life - it's available to you right now!
I'm thrilled to be hosting Sandra Heska King's Still Saturday link-up this month. While I'm still trying to catch up with everyone who linked-up last week, I promise to persevere. 

If you're new to Still Saturday and want to know more, just click on the button below or here.