Still Saturday::when you sense trouble and evil...

Even on days when you sense
trouble and evil
all around you
it's a good day when you know
that God's justice, righteousness,
and kindness will prevail.

~ Robbi Cary, No Matter What, It's a Good Day When, p.32

Remembering God's goodness in a season of trials...

A repost...because I'm back in the book of James and life is a series of "trials of various kinds" and though the trials of this season are different from those of two years ago, it's nourishment for the soul to remember God's goodness in the testings.

I'm sitting in the book of James these days when he tells me to...

Count it all joy...
when you meet trials of various kinds,
for you know that the testing of your faith
produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect,
that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4

....and the trials of various kinds come knocking.  

Since May 1, I've seen the plastic surgeon three times to have a cyst removed from my face, had lab work twice, a repeat thyroid ultrasound, and a dexa scan. I've made three visits to the orthopedic surgeon's office, including x-rays of my knees and three injections in one knee with two more injections to go. I've seen the rheumatologist and endocrinologist, and I leave these visits with more suggested treatment options.

And each of these appointments have been at least an hour's drive from Pollywog Creek.

The coups de grâce - I have an itchy rash on my legs, neck and face that makes me want to rip my skin off.  

It's obvious, don't you think? I'm allergic to doctors.

And I'm losing my mind. I actually scheduled one of those appointments and a meeting with a new girlfriend who is working with me on a writing project for church at the same time I was supposed to be leading Bible study.

Mercy.

But you know what? God is still good. He has revealed himself in a multitude of ways throughout this month's marathon of trials and misteps and mistakes. 

The group of ladies I meet with on Tuesday mornings for Bible study are more precious to me than words.

My Thursday morning trips to the city to see Lizzie for knee injections are almost like going to church. I leave that office not just with medicine in my knee, but inspired and encouraged to steadfastness and hope.

Yesterday, between a knee injection and an appointment with the plastic surgeon, I met with my writing partner and friend Robbi for breakfast at Cracker Barrel. As we looked over the menus, a familiar hymn played through the restaurant's background music, and we both looked up and smiled. It's a gift from God just for us, Robbi said. 

Even the hours I've been alone in the car, driving here and there, have been a sanctuary. When Matt Redmon's Ten Thousand Reasons comes on the radio, I crank up the volume and sing my heart out to God, and I'm more than filled to overflowing with gratitude for all the ways God lays gifts at my feet and blesses my soul.  

After a week of hiding the incision across my cheek under a bandage, the plastic surgeon removed the stitches from my face yesterday. This was the second procedure I've had to remove a large cyst from my neck or face, and the surgeon worries both times that the meds I'm on for rheumatoid disease will prevent me from healing, but both times she announces her pleasant surprise that the incision is healing well. I praise God and tell the surgeon how good it is to have something go well. 

This morning I'm back in the city, only this time it's for my husband. He's had his own barrage of trials this month, and today he's having the first of two skin cancers removed from his face in a two hour procedure. 

I drive to Starbucks, order my favorite latte, and find a seat at a long table in Starbucks where I open up my laptop to work. Glancing across the top of my laptop, I recognize the mannerisms of the woman sitting across the table from me - so I ask, Are you a writer? Over the next hour, we introduce ourselves, exchange business cards, become facebook friends and share our writing projects, as well as our frustrations and battles with self-esteem as late bloomers in a writing world of beautiful, young, savvy and energetic women. 

But more importantly, we talk about the goodness of God. We see it in how we've providentially ended up across the table from each other - as I wait for my husband's procedure to be over and she for a friend having eye surgery. We both have stories of the evidence of God in our disappointments, His encouragement in our struggles and the abundant measure of His grace and mercy poured over and into our lives. 

James is right. No matter what, I can count it all joy, because God is always good, and these trials leave me lacking in nothing. 

No matter what {and the winners are...}

It's a good day when I can share one of my favorite photos {isn't God's creation in that dragonfly amazing?} that didn't make it into the book, and to announce the two winners of the giveaway. 

Thank you to everyone who left a comment. I so wish I had the ability to send a book to all of you, but the winners chosen at random are: Margie Coan Murray and Angela M. Shupe.

Congratulations ladies. I will get the books in the mail to you this week.

Still Saturday::But with God...

It's a good and miraculous day
when you seek God
and He enables you to see
and do
what you never could have imagined possible. Robbi Cary, No Matter What, It's a Good Day When

{Don't forget the Giveaway}

No matter what::making myself naked {and a giveaway}...

Vulnerable is the only way we can feel when we truly share the art we've made. When we share it, when we connect, we have shifted all the power and made ourselves naked in front of the person we've given the gift of our art to. We have no excuses, no manual to point to, no standard operating procedure to protect us. And that is part of our gift.

~ Seth Godin {Seth Godin on Vulnerability, Creative Courage, and How to Dance with the Fear: A Children’s Book for Grownups}

After months and months of writing, editing, designing and releasing, the small gift book Robbi Cary and I have collaborated on for over three years was released to the world in April, but to very little, if any, fanfare from me here on Pollywog Creek.

For two reasons: 1) I'm tired - exhausted, actually. I think the greatest toll of chronic illness is fatigue. With limited energy reserves, I've made the important-to-me, urgent, must-write or accomplish tasks a priority. But mostly 2) I'm scared - afraid of the "nakednes" - calling myself a photographer - a wannabe psalmist with a camera, even - and then putting my art out there for a price.

It's humbling and fearful.

And if you know anything about me, you know I don't sell my photos {although that might change a little in the future, and I'll explain more in another post later this week}. I consider my photography to be a free gift that is meant to be freely given to others.

Yes, I've been paid for some of my photos, but only because 1) the organization that used some of them insisted, and 2) my photos were part of ghostwriting assignments for which I receive compensation.

Please hear my heart in this - there is nothing wrong with earning an income from photography or any gift, for that matter. This is simply something between my heart and my God. I explain that and why I don't add a watermark to my photos in greater detail here, but essentially, I view my photography as capturing an image of what God created - like a xerox copy of a book - so if I place a watermark on my photos, I'd be compelled to make it something like this: Photography by the Creator, Genesis 1.1-31. 

But here's where I'm stuck: I'm not the only person whose name is on the cover of the book. I owe that honor to my beautiful friend Robbi Cary - who conceived this project over three years ago, and asked me to work with her; and it is Robbi who has invested much time, energy, and other resources to make our book a reality. I owe it to Robbi and to God to be vulnerable and naked and to say "Here is our gift - would you please consider ordering a copy or two or three and sharing this gift with others?"

Robbi and I are likely never to receive a single penny from bringing this project to fruition. We didn't work all these months praying, writing, editing, and designing No Matter What, It's a Good Day When in the hope of receiving any reward or compensation, but out of a mutual desire to offer the gifts God has graciously and freely given to us that others might know and be encouraged by God's faithful, overwhelming, abundant love and goodness, no matter what the day brings.

No Matter What, It's a Good Day When is not a naive, pollyanna response to the deep suffering and hurts of life. Robbi and I have not been nor do we continue to be strangers to overwhelming griefs and pain. This little book is just as much for us as it is for anyone else. A few weeks ago, just before our book went to print, I picked up the latest proof and read straight through - not with an editorial eye, but with a heart and soul that needed to be reminded of the truths we share with short prose, scripture and a photo. I experienced afresh the joy and peace I felt when Robbi sent me the very first draft over three years ago, and I was reminded why we persevered in getting this little book published.

God is good no matter what happens. 
~ Ann Voskamp

I'd love to give away 2 copies of No Matter What, It's a Good Day When. One copy will go to someone who leaves a comment telling us how they have experienced a "good day" by knowing God's love and goodness in a difficult season. The other copy will go to someone who shares in a comment why they would like to give the book to someone else who needs to know God's love and goodness. The giveaway will close at midnight Sunday, June 1st, and the winners, chosen randomly, will be announced the following day. 

If you don't want to wait for a chance to win {or even if you do}, you can order a copy of our book here.

And if you're so inclined, it sure would be a Good Day for me, if you would share this post with others, and maybe subscribe to Pollywog Creek, too.

To live like it...

Meeting at Starbucks to continue working out the details for our May book launch, Robbi and I sat outside with our drinks and the warmth of the sun on our shoulders.

I can't recall what prompted the detour in our conversation -- from launch party plans to the sharing of a piece of the puzzle that's my story, but I mentioned to Robbi that in the prodigal years early in our marriage, my husband and I believed, but we didn't have faith. 

If you asked us if we were Christians, we would have said yes, but we certainly weren't living like it, I explained. 

Later that day, I heard faith described as acting like you really believe what God says is true.

Exactly. We didn't act like we believed much of anything.

If I truly believe that in Christ I've been forgiven, I won't wallow in shame and condemnation.

If I truly believe God has and will meet my every need, I won't be consumed by fretting and worrying.

If I truly believe in God's sovereignty, I won't entertain woe-is-me's or be paralyzed by fear.

If I truly believe God is loving and good, I'll cheerfully obey His commandments and trust that what He allows in my life will be redeemed for my good.

I believe you, Lord. Thank you for the grace to live like it.

{Photos - a few of the feathery visitors to Pollywog Creek last week}

I {LOVE} Sunday::to see God's goodness in creation...

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And God said, “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens.” So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:1,20-21

Advent Day 13::glory, glory, glory...

December 13

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”
Luke 2:13-14 ESV

The following resources were used to create one of my most popular series of posts and photographs here on Pollywog Creek. Through Advent 2013, I will be posting them again, with occasional rare commentary. They speak for themselves.

I'll also be posting again later today - with a recap of this last week's journey with 41 staples down the front of my left leg and the grace I've been given to hold onto Advent through pain and discouragement. God is good - no matter what.

UPDATE: If you've returned in hopes of finding the promised second post, I beg for grace. I awakened weary and weepy and in need of cheering. The Advent I'd been holding onto had slipped from my hold, 'til Grace poured in on the wings of sisters. My recap must wait 'til tomorrow. 

 In addition to the resources listed below, I'm adding Ann Voskamp's The Greatest Gift - Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas to my daily readings this year.

The Cradle to the Cross Wreath by Caleb Voskamp { The empty "manger" at the end of the spiral in some of the photographs is not part of Caleb's wreath, but from a creche made of olive wood that was a gift from my parents many years ago.}

Advent Scriptures and Readings
The Handel's Messiah Family Advent Reader by Donna W. Payne and Fran Lenzo

Children's Bible
The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

Every good and perfect gift::on keeping my motives pure...

When Louis bought an inexpensive digital point and shoot camera, the end of my twenty-three years of homeschooling our children was on the horizon, and the empty nest years were in view. It was Louis' hope that a camera would help me fill the empty places that were sure to come in the days ahead.

Ten years and two cameras later, it seems that Louis' hopes became a reality. Many of my photos have been used by both print magazines and online websites. My friend Robbi and I are working with a designer to prepare our book with over two dozen of my photos for publication. And just this week, I've been ordering prints and considering frame options for four of my photographs that will hang in the hallway of the Hendry County Courthouse.

When an image of a tassel flower {captured with that inexpensive point and shoot camera} opened up on my computer screen and piqued my interest in nature photography those years ago, I had no clue or aspirations for where photography would take me. Clearly an amateur and without photoshop, I never considered a watermark on my photos, and that has not changed.  

Please hear my heart in this. The reasons for my decision to not watermark my photos are a reflection of my relationship with the Father who knows my heart and my needs. They are NOT an indictment against photographers who do, but an example of how God works in our individual lives to conform us to the image of Christ.

This is what the Holy Spirit says to me about my photos:

God is the creator of all that is good and beautiful. I might have an eye for uncovering and framing beauty, but even that is a gift from His hand. A watermark is used to claim ownership, and rightfully so, but I am only a steward of the gift. I'll carry nothing with me into eternity. I'm simply capturing what belongs to the Father.  

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

James 1.17

God is glorified and I'm most satisfied when my needs are met in Him alone. One of the prayers I can count on God answering with a yes every time comes from Psalm 139: 

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 

God knows my heart and prompts me to check my motives. He knows my longing to be affirmed and noticed by others - to be loved and esteemed for what I do, and a watermark on my photos can be a way for me to say, look at me and what I can do. It isn't that God doesn't want us to encourage and recognize the gifts in others, but that He wants me to not look to and rely on others for that affirmation. He wants me to be completely satisfied by my relationship with Him and affirmed by knowing that I am fully loved - not for what I do, but for who I am in Christ.  

A watermark doesn't add anything of beauty to my photos. In fact, a watermark can be a distraction. If my motives are pure, I don't want those who see my photos to think, oh look - it's Pollywog Creek. I want others to be inspired to worship and be filled with awe and wonder at the power and beauty of our Creator God. 

What about you? Has God ever prevented you from doing something that is perfectly alright for others, but not for you? 

Coming to an end...

We're less than two weeks away from the end of Google Reader, and if you've been reading Pollywog Creek through a Google Reader subscription, I grieve at the thought of losing contact with you. If you haven't already moved your blog subscriptions to a new reader, I hope you'll do so soon, and that you will continue your subscription to Pollywog Creek.

An even better way to stay connected is through a free email subscription, and you can do so by signing up right here-----> Subscribe to Pollywog Creek by Email.  An email subscription makes it easy for you to interact with me by simply responding to the email you will receive with posts from Pollywog Creek either the day or the day after I publish them. I don't always remember or have time to respond to comments on the blog, but emails always get my attention.

I'm energized and refreshed from my short stay at the beach last week and I'm contemplating ways I can make it happen more often. The fresh summer air and cool breezes off the gulf seemed to clear out the cobwebs, and dozens of blog-worthy thoughts are now swirling about - but I'm pressed to finish working on our photos for the book today, so I'll have to hold onto those thoughts for another day and pray they don't fly away in the meantime. 

What do you do when you need to clean out the "attic" to make room for new and creative thoughts and ideas?

To leave a space for ponderings...

I can't get over God's sovereignty in all my affairs - how he arranges and weaves and ordains my comings and goings, and the immeasurable grace he saturates - over, around and through - this undeserving and broken vessel of mercy called me. 

My new Starbucks friend tells me she studies new words - and rightfully so, she's delighted with the meaning of grace. The undeserved favor of God, she tells me, but when she reads the tagline on my business card: Cultivating an eye for life's mercies..., she's puzzled and asks, What exactly is mercy?

I give her the answer that's been given to me. It's like this, I tell her. Grace is the gift of God's favor through Christ - favor we don't deserve, because there's nothing we can do to earn it. But mercy is the measure of God's compassion for us in that along with giving us what we don't deserve, he doesn't give us what we do.

She focuses on the wall over my shoulder and I see how she silently flips the words over and over in her thoughts - grace and mercy, grace and mercy. The same but different. Two sides of the same coin - the redemption for a wretch like me.   

I feel God's favor in this conversation across the top of our laptop screens - two women once strangers, venti cups of lattes on the table next to our iPhones and lifestyle worlds apart. I later wonder about the young man sitting to my right who's trying to work, his laptop open, but held captive by two women whose animated conversation has invaded his space as though he didn't exist.

An agent tells me - a year ago - she doesn't like my tagline. It's not clear, she says, this cultivating an eye for life's mercies, and I wrestle with changing it; but sometimes there needs to be space for questions, for curiosity and holy ponderings.

And when you know that you know that something fits, that it's right for you, you hold on and own it - trusting there's a reason. Maybe it's this table in Starbucks. Maybe there's more. I go where God leads me or I dare not go at all. 

That we have received anything good – any forgiveness, any acceptance with God, any glimpse of his glory, any hope of everlasting joy – this is all mercy. John Piper

Agent or not - it's all mercy. It's all grace. And it's all good.

Free photos, country critters, and {un}related ramblings...

I couldn't bring myself to title this another Just in Case You've Missed Me post, but that's more or less what it is.   

I'll be honest - it's been a rough few weeks - bad enough that Louis has had to cut up my eggs so I could eat them with a spoon. There have been days that my hands have been so painful and swollen that I couldn't pick up a brush or get dressed. RAD has been compared to wearing a coat of armor. That's exactly how I've felt just trying to fold clothes or move about inside my house. 

And pain slowly rubs against me - interrupting thought processes and adding to the fatigue that already characterizes chronic illness. My mind works in slow-motion these days. I struggle to help Emily with her college math, polish my monthly assignments, and I'll look at a blank screen on the computer and think, "I've got nothing to say. Nothing." The pain I can tolerate, but the lack of accomplishment tends to depress me. I told God one day, "I just want to be productive." {More about that in a future post - I'll just say that I'm reading Jerry Bridge's The Disciplines of Grace and it's exactly what I need.} 

But there have been better days here and there, and they have been pure gold - lunch with a friend, hours with Robbi seeking publication on our book {does the editing ever end?}, church, and even a couple of day trips with Louis. 

Some of the best days have been those with family - watching the Olympics with Emily, playing with Gavin, and delighting in Addisyn's antics and Tyler's coos and smiles. 

About a month before I was diagnosed with RAD almost two years ago, I wrote this:

Physical pain is no stranger. I've been assaulted, in a car accident, broken my leg, had emergency surgery for a perforated colon, and experience cycles of pain from crohn's disease flares.

For several weeks I've experienced some of the worst joint pains that I can remember - not just my knees, but my shoulders, hands and feet. Getting out of bed, in and out of the car, up and down stairs, dressing and undressing, sitting, standing, walking - there's very little that I am able to do at the moment without pain, and yet it has been a sweet and precious season of walking in the truth that "the joy of the Lord is my strength" - a powerful reality that I could only know in a season of weakness.

The joy of the Lord has been the banner under which I have walked {or limped} since, and though I'm more disabled and in more pain today than I was two years ago, the joy has only increased.  

I can't explain it. It isn't me. It isn't something I can make myself feel. It's only grace. Pure amazing grace.

So please don't feel sorry for me. I've upped my prednisone dose and the past few days have been much better. And is there anything more precious than to know Christ's strength in weakness? To sit at His feet and delight in the sweetest fellowship and lavish love? 

::

Moving on to the free photos. When I wrote about hoarding stories, the Lord was also speaking to me about my photos - the gazillion photos I have stored on various hard drives and online.  

Most of y'all know how I feel about my photographs - I can only take credit for stopping to take them - and even that is God's gift to me. If I capture a glimpse of God's glory in His creation, or in our artistic expressions of what God created, then don't the photos belong to Him? {Doesn't everything I have belong to Him?}

Aren't my photos just like my stories? How dare I bury the talent by hoarding them - holding onto them as though they are mine. 

So I open my hands to give them back to Him by giving many of them to you in a flickr set  - for you to use in your own non-commercial blogs or church-related activities {sermons, newsletters, etc - some of my photos were used in a sermon on thanksgiving}.  

Please be patient with me - I intend to add more photos to the set, but if there is a photo you've seen on my blog that you'd like to use and it isn't in the set, just drop me an email and as long as it isn't one I'm using professionally, in the book or a photo of my family or friends, I'll probably add it to the set for you.

::

God is so, so good to His people - to Him be the glory - great things He has done.

::

{Photos - traveling with Louis down central Florida's back country roads a few weeks ago - taken from the car window - aren't they cute?}

He calls us to sing joy...

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
where morning dawns, where evening fades,
you call forth songs of joy.Psalm 65.8 {NIV}
{emphasis mine}

The Psalmist didn't say that the edge of the Grand Canyon is filled with awe at your wonders.

Neither did he say it was the mighty oceans, painted buntings, majestic mountains or ancient wonders - as awe-inspiring as they are.

He said it's in the whole earth - where morning dawns and evening fades...

Does the morning dawn and evening fade where you and I live?

No matter what, there's awe and wonder right where we are...  

...in my backyard and yours

...in places of wealth and in places of poverty

...in flowery meadows and fiery deserts

...on crowded sidewalks and isolated roads

...in the calm and in the storm

...in the beat of our hearts and the taste of bread

...in waking up and going to sleep

What wonders are calling you to a song of joy today? 

{Photos::around Pollywog Creek last week}