Goldenrod and a string of golden not-summer days {and to #bethegift with a giveaway}...

I'm home from Canada for less than a week when the goldenrod begins to bloom, and fall teases us with a string of stunning not-summer days.

Yellow orchid blooms dangle from from the oak limbs in the back yard...

...and the alamanda bush by the gate explodes in trumpets of lemon at dawn. If green is the color of August, then shades of yellow belong to October.  

At least here on Pollywog Creek.

The not-summer days wax and wane throughout the month bringing subtle changes that I'll miss if I don't pay attention. 

After months of summer rains that swell the banks of the creek and pond, the knobby knees of the now golden bald cypress bordering the pond's edge emerge as the water levels recede.  

Between the barb-wire fence and creek, clusters of acorns herald more not-summer days ahead. Maybe those pesky squirrels will be less attracted to my bird feeders if they have what looks like an abundance of acorns. 

Under the massive live oak, the staghorn fern thrives in the dappled light and reaches out with foliar fronds that give this tropical epiphyte it's name.

Yes. I know. 

These aren't the breath-taking, glorious reds, oranges, and yellows my friends in the northern less tropical or temperate climates enjoy, but I can't let my mind and heart go there. 

I could easily dwell on what others have or experience and I don't, but that's coveting, isn't it? 

And isn't coveting the root of discontent that says what God gives me isn't good enough? 

I've mentioned before that I'm not fond of bucket lists.  

That hasn't always been true. Just ask my husband. 

But as I experienced growth in gratitude and contentment, I began to recognize that a bucket list was a dwelling on and a counting of opportunities and experiences I don't have and therefore covet rather than a focus on being thankful for what I've already been given. 

I'm slowly making my way through a study of Romans once a week with a small group of  friends I love like sisters when Paul reminds me of the sin of coveting and how easily it tries to slip back into my heart. 

These sister-friends and I have talked about some of the ways to fight sin in our lives: to renew our minds with God's Word, to memorize scripture, to grow in our affections for Christ, and to intentionally {and cheerfully} replace sin with acts of obedience. 

In the chapter, What's Even Better than a Bucket List, The Broken Way, a daring path into the abundant life, Ann Voskamp writes:  

What if instead of sitting in life's waiting room, waiting for a chance for something good enough to happen to check off a bucket list--what if abundant living isn't about what you can expect from life, but what life can expect from you? p. 88 

Why grow the list of what I want to have instead of the list of what I can give?  Why not let the heart grow big with a love large enough that it breaks your heart and gives bits of you away? Does "real life" only happen when you get to pick some balmy destination and a cheap flight itinerary? Or is "real life" when you choose to be bread to all kinds of hungry? And maybe this is how your soul truly gets fed anyway?  p. 89 

Experiencing the whole world will not fill your bucket like experiencing giving yourself, and finding the meaning that will fill your soul.  p. 92

The meaning of being is givenness. Ask Christ.  p. 98

It's truly a very, very small offering in light of all I've been given, but rather than quote the whole chapter {or book}, I'm giving away a copy of The Broken Way to someone who promises to read it and to also #bethegift and #payitforward for someone else. Just leave a comment here {or on a link to this post on my facebook page} by midnight Tuesday, November 1st, and I'll put your name in the hat. 

I must warn you, though: The Broken Way will change you and break you in all the right places. 

Until I began to compare myself with Lisa...

When we met for lunch at the tea room downtown – an early 20th century bungalow and remodeled café offering “English Tea with a Southern Flair” – and Carol asked me to lead the women’s study at our church in the fall, I told her I’d prayerfully consider it, but I knew God was handing me a gift.

As a professional nurse, I’d flourished in leadership opportunities in the past. With experience and growth in confidence and skills, I grew to love speaking in church, at retreats and to groups of women, but when I assumed my mother’s full-time care, I began turning down opportunities. A few years after mother died and my health declined, I rarely accepted the invitation to speak.

By the time Carol offered me this new opportunity, my leadership and speaking skills needed brushing off, and the systemic effects of chronic rheumatoid disease continued to slow my pace, but six months past my last total knee replacement, my mobility was better than it has been in years. More importantly, I’d been anticipating the hole that my son’s family’s impending move – far from our home on Pollywog Creek – would leave in my heart and awareness of purpose. The opportunity to lead the fall study, to be able to do what I love, to experience a renewed sense of purpose, and to have a focus for my time and energy seemed perfect – until I began to compare myself with Lisa.

Join me at Jennifer Lee's for the rest of the story?

I {LOVE} Sunday::to learn contentment...

...for I have learned in whatever situation I am
to be content.
Philippians 4:11

With the Sunday Community at Lisha's #GiveMeGrace

In every condition...

Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.

Jeremiah Burroughs

It's only a hundred feet or so to the pasture, but the air weighs heavy like a wet blanket and the distance feels like miles.  

I will myself to put one swollen foot in front of the other, and when I reach the back of the pasture near the fence parallel to the creek, I sit right down in the grass. It would be just as easy to climb a mountain as it would be to return to the house for a towel. The wet soaks right through to my skin.  

I wonder how long I sit here before neighbors worry that I've fallen, but it's far more likely that no one will even notice, and I laugh at myself - a grown woman still in her pajamas sitting outside on the dew-soaked ground like a child without a care. 

It's not in my nature to have wandered out here these days, and I question my reasoning and sanity. No backyard swing, sweetgum trees or painted buntings. Not even the small patches of wildflowers along the fence to the east entice me to move. I'm left sitting in the shadows cast by the long-needle pines towering above, and for some strange reason, it's more than enough.   

The Color of September::Content and Grateful...

{Introduction - Although you are welcome to use my living in yellow list, please know that I wrote it for me. I share a few truths and thoughts not that I think you need them, but that I need them, and writing about them helps me do just that. Part 1, Part 2 }

We buy a new home with inflation-high interest rates, and then I resign from a profitable career in nursing  - with a salary greater than my husband's and perks that include a car. It makes no sense, but we believe it's what God is calling us to do - for me to stay home with the three boys - so we step out on a limb and pray a storm won't bring it {and our little family} down.

It's obvious we need to make major changes in our spending habits, but what I don't know is that the more significant adjustments will be made in me - to remove self-centered and envious desires that had been taking root in a season of prosperity.  And it won't be easy.

Over twenty-five years later, the exact timeline of these events escapes me, but it wasn't long after I exchange my successful and satisfying career for stay-at-home-mothering that we also make huge changes in our giving habits - replacing a token offering with tithing our gross income.

That limb we stepped out on looked more vulnerable than ever, and as I try to reconcile the bank balance with our income, my lack of faith and contentment is revealed when I begin to consider not tithing so that we have more money for ourselves. 

It's not like we really need the money. It never works out on paper, but the limb doesn't break, no matter the storm. We pay our bills on time, and clothe and feed our family. Our healthcare needs are met. We have air-conditioning and a television, and I'm home with the children, but I'm not grateful and content - even with more than enough...and Louis insists we continue tithing. 

I don't remember how long I wrestle with this envy and heart-sickness, but I know that it was too long and miserable, and I remember confessing and asking God to please remove it and to give me a joy and contentment that could only come from Him...and when things aren't enough, grace is abundant, and in His kindness, He does indeed lead me to the contented, grateful life I long to live. 

I am wired by nature to love the same toys that the world loves. I start to fit in. I start to love what others love. I start to call earth "home." Before you know it, I am calling luxeries "needs" and using my money just the way unbelievers do. I begin to forget the war. I don't think much about people perishing. Missions and unreached people drop out of my mind. I stop dreaming about the triumphs of grace. I sink into a secular mind-set that looks first to what man can do, not what God can do. It is a terrible sickness. And I thank God for those who have forced me again and again toward a wartime mind-set.  ~ John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life

So why, in this season of life, though we have more disposable income than in those years we struggled, would I want to risk discontentment by changing our lifestyle to reflect that increase? The temptation certainly exists - to consider satisfying our desires for the same toys that the world loves. But I've been there, done that, and I've discovered the greater contentment of been satisfied in what the Lord provides {and sometimes it's one of those toys} and the joy of giving the increase away. 

And you? Have you ever experienced the misery of discontentment and envy?

Wasting what is precious...

"It is so important not to waste what is precious by spending all one's time and emotion on fretting or complaining over what one does not have." ~ Edith Schaeffer

If there's one thing I wish I'd been taught as a young wife and mother, it would be what it means to be content. 

Don't get me wrong - I'm not blaming anyone for not teaching me. Even if there'd been a mentor in my life those years ago, I doubt that I was teachable. 

But it grieves me to remember my ungratefulness - to consider what precious gifts of the moment I wasted while wishing that my possessions were greater and my circumstances were different. 

I remember the misery of wallowing in self-centered envy, and I'm grateful that the Lord didn't give me what I thought I needed to be happy and content - that He let me be miserable that I might grow up. That I would come to know the contentment found in abiding in Christ and resting in His sovereignty over my life.

But even after all these years of sowing contentment deep, I sometimes need a refresher. I begin to wish for things I don't have - for new flooring, trendy furnishing, a Nikon that works. 

What a silly, foolish girl I am - wasting what is precious.

{Photos - grateful for my point-and-shoot camera and playing with free Picasa's editing tools while my Nikon is repaired.}    

Peace and contentment in the quiet...

For several hours this morning since my 4:00 am rising, between loads of laundry and considering the day's tasks, I've stared at the computer screen searching for words. But my mood and thoughts are contemplative and private and I've discerned are best kept to myself. 

As I count God's good gifts with Ann in a grateful community on this lovely, rainy fall morning, I'm thankful for more than I can possibly list. The Father through Christ - from whom all blessings flow - has lavished grace and mercy and love in great measure and I hardly know where to begin - but I will...

...sunlight that clouds cannot contain (a picture, yes, of His light in our clouds)
...an unexpected visit to those we dearly love 
...safety in the travel, towing an old trailer
...strength and endurance for my hurting husband
...soaking rains at the edge of a dry season
...playing wii with Mason and Austin
...every moment I can snatch with Gavin and Addisyn
...children who love the Lord
...the joy of more grandlittles being fearfully and wonderfully made
...a bench moved under the oak tree
...a healing wound
...a sweet surgeon
...pumpkins and apple scented candles
...the friends and readers who bless with kind words of encouragement (every word a treasure)
...contentment and the abundance of simplicity
...peace in the quiet and taming of the tongue

{Photos} sunlight breaking through clouds over sugarcane fields at dawn, two grandlittles that call me mimi, a Caloosahatchee River sunset