Friday

Why disciplines are important...

Written earlier this week...



Darkness has barely given way to morning light. I'm still in bed. And I'm already exhausted.

I muster the courage to move. Stand. Every joint burns and I shuffle and limp from bed to kitchen - reaching for support along the way.

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Before coffee, I head straight for the meds that promise relief. My red, swollen fingers won't cooperate and I spill an entire bottle of pills - onto the counter, across the floor, under the stove.

And for a moment I want to cry.



Standing at the edge of what feels like defeat, I give my fears a voice.

I don't think I can do this.

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Extravagant gifts remain packaged on the dining room table for almost 2 days - a real camera and lenses. Gifts I don't think I deserve. Gifts I find myself nearly paralyzed to use.

What if this "real" camera proves I'm not a photographer?  What if I'm disappointing God?  What if I'm disappointing you?

Confidence to do anything - write, speak, photograph, learn, think, cook, love - vaporizes when fear is allowed to speak into my life.



The day's appointments and possibilities loom menacing before me and the I can'ts and what ifs multiply in a cacophonic chorus.

What if I really can't?  What if I can't fulfill commitments to write or speak or care for my friends?

What promise. What praise


Established daily rhythms - the renewing of my mind disciplines - begin flowing without thought.

Charles Spurgeon. Oswald Chambers. Sarah Young. Ann VoskampScotty Smith. Paul. et al...

Words of life push out the words of fear, and the dark perspective of morning pain and uncooperative fingers and overwhelming fatigue is revealed for what it is: a focus on me - poor pitiful me - and not my mighty all-powerful God and what He can and will do through me.

I can do ALL things though Him who strengthens me.