Every good and perfect gift::on keeping my motives pure......

{Every now and then someone will ask me about using one of my photos, or question why I don't apply a watermark to them. How I answer depends on who that person is, but usually I refer them to this post or others like it that explains my response. Yes, I am paid for the use of some of my photos, and for that I am most appreciative -- especially at this very moment, when I'm saving my pennies for a new laptop. My husband's computer, where most of my photos are stored, crashed, and I stepped on my laptop. I'm typing and editing photos through a screen that is criss-crossed with purple lines of various width. But most people who ask to use one of my photos either want them for their personal use or to share with others - and to that I say, "To God be the Glory." In light of a recent request, I thought I'd re-post my usual response.}

When Louis bought an inexpensive digital point and shoot camera, the end of my twenty-three years of homeschooling our children was on the horizon, and the empty nest years were in view. It was Louis' hope that a camera would help me fill the empty places that were sure to come in the days ahead.

Ten years and two cameras later, it seems that Louis' hopes have become a reality. Many of my photos have been used by both print magazines and online websites. My friend Robbi and I are working with a designer to prepare our book* with over two dozen of my photos for publication. And just this week, I've been ordering prints and considering frame options for four of my photographs that will hang in the hallway of the Hendry County Courthouse.

When an image of a tassel flower {captured with that inexpensive point and shoot camera} opened up on my computer screen and piqued my interest in nature photography those years ago, I had no clue or aspirations for where photography would take me. Clearly an amateur and without photoshop, I never considered a watermark on my photos, and that has not changed.  

Please hear my heart in this. The reasons for my decision to not watermark my photos are a reflection of my relationship with the Father who knows my heart and my needs. They are NOT an indictment against photographers who do, but an example of how God works in our individual lives to conform us to the image of Christ.

This is what the Holy Spirit says to me about my photos:

God is the creator of all that is good and beautiful. I might have an eye for uncovering and framing beauty, but even that is a gift from His hand. A watermark is used to claim ownership, and rightfully so, but I am only a steward of the gift. I'll carry nothing with me into eternity. I'm simply capturing what belongs to the Father.  

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

James 1.17

God is glorified and I'm most satisfied when my needs are met in Him alone. One of the prayers I can count on God answering with a yes every time comes from Psalm 139: 

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 

God knows my heart and prompts me to check my motives. He knows my longing to be affirmed and noticed by others - to be loved and esteemed for what I do, and a watermark on my photos can be a way for me to say, look at me and what I can do. It isn't that God doesn't want us to encourage and recognize the gifts in others, but that He wants me to not look to and rely on others for that affirmation. He wants me to be completely satisfied by my relationship with Him and affirmed by knowing that I am fully loved - not for what I do, but for who I am in Christ.  

A watermark doesn't add anything of beauty to my photos. In fact, a watermark can be a distraction. If my motives are pure, I don't want those who see my photos to think, oh look - it's Pollywog Creek. I want others to be inspired to worship and be filled with awe and wonder at the power and beauty of our Creator God. 

What about you? Has God ever prevented you from doing something that is perfectly acceptable for others, but not for you?

*That book was printed last spring and is available to purchase here.

In every condition...

Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.

Jeremiah Burroughs

It's only a hundred feet or so to the pasture, but the air weighs heavy like a wet blanket and the distance feels like miles.  

I will myself to put one swollen foot in front of the other, and when I reach the back of the pasture near the fence parallel to the creek, I sit right down in the grass. It would be just as easy to climb a mountain as it would be to return to the house for a towel. The wet soaks right through to my skin.  

I wonder how long I sit here before neighbors worry that I've fallen, but it's far more likely that no one will even notice, and I laugh at myself - a grown woman still in her pajamas sitting outside on the dew-soaked ground like a child without a care. 

It's not in my nature to have wandered out here these days, and I question my reasoning and sanity. No backyard swing, sweetgum trees or painted buntings. Not even the small patches of wildflowers along the fence to the east entice me to move. I'm left sitting in the shadows cast by the long-needle pines towering above, and for some strange reason, it's more than enough.   

Sweet Shot Tuesday::Light...

Facebook friends will not be surprised by this photo. I posted it yesterday after Emily and I were greeted with this amazing picture.

It's been an unusually warm winter here in SW Florida. I was excited about this recent cold snap and the opportunity to try to photograph macros of the frost that was forecast for the morning, but I was disappointed when I woke up and discovered that it was ten degrees warmer than they had expected. There was no frost. 

I didn't even bother to look outside because I was sure that there would be nothing unusual out there for me to photograph, but Emily needed me to move the truck so that she could get the car out of the garage and go to work. As we walked outside, we were stunned by the view. 

As Emily took pictures with her phone, I moved the truck and hurried back inside to get my camera. To think that I almost missed this because I thought there'd be nothing to see. 

  

As I brought the photos up on my computer, a passage in John 9, where Jesus healed the boy who had been blind from birth, came to mind, and I began to see more than just light and fog and smoke.

It's not the sun shining through a clear blue sky that creates the wow...it's the sun breaking through a layer of fog and smoke. As Jesus said, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him....As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” 

That's the wow - when Christ Light breaks through the smoke and fog in our lives that the "works of God" are clearly displayed to His glory. 

The only thing different about 2013...

There's nothing magical about a new year. The earth continues to spin on its axis, the sun rises and sets, bills arrive in the mail, I still have to cook dinner, and the dust under the beds, dirty dishes in the sink and overflowing hamper of dirty laundry by the washer didn't disappear.

Three days into 2013 looks just like the last three days of 2012 - more or less. As my son Casey told me, "The only thing different about 2013 is that I'll be writing down the wrong date for the next three months." Isn't that the truth?

The reality is that every day is the beginning of the 365 days in a year to follow. A calendar just helps me stay organized - only God can make lasting changes in my life and He doesn't need a new year to do so - so when 2013 was only hours old and I'd already failed to meet new goals I'd set for the day, I had to laugh at myself, post a "to be continued" photo, and go to bed grateful for the gift of another day.

{Photo - our resident mockingbird, who likes to nest in the honeysuckle and greedily hoard the flame bush berries, but his serenades are delightful, so I guess we'll let him stay.}

He loves me, he loves me not...

It's a steamy August morning and sweat beads across my forehead and trickles down my flushed face. As I put the basket of cameras on the bench under the oak tree and sit down to rest and cool off, I swat the skeeters that bite through my now wet socks, and conclude that my husband doesn't really love me or he wouldn't make me live in this subtropical misery.

For no good reason, I begin rehearsing a mental list of all the reasons I don't feel loved - and the morning that started out full of joy and gratitude for the lush green beauty that surrounds me turns to sulking and discontent as I entertain woe-is-me thoughts.

Sunlight sparkles on the dew-soaked flower heads and a fox squirrel scurries up a tall pine in the pasture when I'm sure I feel a tap on my shoulder and a still small voice whisper, hold on sister, you aren't all that loving yourself, you know. 

And just like that I see my own failings, and that mental list I'd been preparing of all the ways I think my husband fails me pales in comparison with the ways I see that I fail him, too.  

It's God's kindness that turns me on my heels and sets me straight - and love that covers a multitude of sins. I pick up my basket of cameras and wander out to those new-to-me orchids Louis showed me a few weeks ago, grateful for a husband who loves me and the subtropical beauty that's been placed at my feet.

Giving up and Starting over...

Ever feel like you're so far behind in (fill in the blank) that it would be easier to start over or give up? That for every step forward, you stumble back ten?

Me, too.

Months ago, I decided to tackle refinishing and upholstering a chair that belonged to my grandfather. The chair and matching ottoman had been a gift from my mother to her dad before she was married. Unfortunately, the refinishing task was not in my skill set. The chair not only remains in the garage, it's now in pieces.

Remember my painful knees saga?

Three years ago I went to the doctor about my knees. It was like opening Pandora's box. My doctor determined that I first needed my gallbladder removed, but my pre-op EKG indicated that I might have had a heart attack and anesthesia wouldn't put me to sleep for the surgery.

After a nuclear stress test and cardiology consult and my gallbladder was removed, I went back to the doctor with my knees only to discover that I have rheumatoid arthritis, high blood pressure, cysts on my thyroid, and auto-immune lung disease. Within six months I was in the ER with toxic hepatitis and a stress ulcer.

Then last week, a follow-up ultrasound on the thyroid revealed a "non-toxic uninodular goiter" - or so the endocrinology referral states.

And my knees? They still hurt-more than ever.

It may sound crazy (or maybe a merry heart truly is good medicine), but both of those stories make me laugh.

I'm not feeling all that great today, either. After taking my growing pile of meds this morning, I jokingly asked God if I could stop everything, detox my body, and start over with a "cleaned out" version of me. Maybe then my knees wouldn't hurt.

And then I was reminded that that's exactly what He already did for me-when with a broken heart I surrendered my life to Him and fell before the throne of Grace.

I gave up, started over, and He created a "cleaned out" brand new me.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, 
he is a new creation. 
The old has passed away; 
behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV)

{Photo)crossing the Caloosahatchee River at sunrise on a foggy new morning last week.

What if I can't...

"Have you had a stroke?" She had no way of knowing. We'd been out of touch for decades, but her question took me by surprise. Do I really look that bad? I wondered.

In public I'm simply embarrassed.  

I shuffle and hobble, stiff-legged and off balance. In a restaurant, I dread getting up from the table. I'm certain everyone is watching. I'm not that old. I bet they think I'm drunk. 

I survey the shortest path to where we sit in church but it takes me through a door where I imagine that all eyes are on me.  I try to walk faster, but it only accentuates my broken gait. 

At Gavin's party, the other grandmothers wear skates and play with the baby, and the little ones laugh. I sit at the table. I'm grateful it's not far from the restrooms, but the distance between where I sit and where almost everyone else is laughing and playing looks as challenging to me as a marathon. 

I can't skate. I can't play. But I can take pictures. I grab my camera and make my way across the room that gets larger in my eyes with each step. 

~ ~ ~

At brunch with a friend, she tells me that Pollywog Creek is a gift - the photos and family stories. She is sure it is a blessing to many.  And I want to cry. 

"What if I can't take pictures?" I ask. I can barely walk around the backyard, much less venture out to the creek or pasture. It's a monumental task to sit on the ground.

"What if I can't do the one thing I do that people love?"  I bite my lip, but I know my chin is quivering. Crying in a restaurant would only add to my embarrassment. 

My friend is compassionate. I see her tears. But she is also wise - and she reminds me of this: it is God that empowers me to do whatever He wants me to do. 

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?
Or am I trying to please man?
If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
(Galatians 1:10 ESV)


{Photo}the goldfinches are coming back to Pollywog Creek - can the painting buntings be here soon?

At the center...

With a couple of hours before I needed to keep an appointment in Immokalee, I left Susan's and drove a few miles south to Ave Maria, a new community in SW Florida, I'd longed to see.     

Open in 2007, Ave Maria has an intriguing history that began when Tom Monaghan, the founder of Domino's Pizza, envisioned creating the first major Catholic university in the United States in more than 40 years.

Much like towns in the middle ages, it was determined from the beginning of this university town's development that the Oratory of Ave Maria, soaring more than 100 feet and with a seating capacity of 1100, would be located in the center of the community. The church would be the town's focal point, obvious to visitors from the moment they turned off the highway toward town and the cross atop the church's arched roof stood before them.

As I drove slowly through this pristine, newly landscaped town with little traffic and where only a few people could be seen walking across campus or otherwise moving about, I felt as though I'd entered another world. Not a retreat center, but an entire town of stores, schools and neighborhoods, built around a church.

I'm not Catholic, but the picture of the church at the center of all activity is an awe-inspiring one. It's a visual reminder of the way I am to live with Christ at the center of every thought, decision, and deed. 

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen
Romans 11:36

A rainy day passage to ponder and proclaim...

“Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak,
and let the earth hear the words of my mouth.
May my teaching drop as the rain,
my speech distill as the dew,
like gentle rain upon the tender grass,
and like showers upon the herb.
For I will proclaim the name of the LORD;
ascribe greatness to our God!
“The Rock, his work is perfect,
for all his ways are justice.
A God of faithfulness and without iniquity,
just and upright is he.
(Deuteronomy 32:1-4 ESV)emphasis mine


{Photos} rain on Pollywog Creek

Turning toward the sun...

"What are you doing?" I asked Louis as he began slowing the car down out in the middle of nowhere.

"So you can take a picture of this," he explained as he turned onto a side road toward the east - toward the sun blazing orange over the river at dawn. 

May today be a day we all turn toward the Son and gaze upon His glory and fame.  

He alone is worthy.

A difference engraved in stone...

There are few places more sobering than a national cemetery - where the lives of men and women who have sacrificially served our country in the military have been honored and their bodies laid to rest.

Thousands of white marble gravestones stand erect in perfectly arranged rows - only the engraved inscriptions differentiate one gravestone from another.

Isn't that much like those of us who walk the earth still - with common graces and common griefs?

The hand of God sweeps across the face of the earth and over all who inhabit it, and from a distance, our lives may look just like everyone else's.

But in Christ, they are not. We are one of God's chosen, and what was true for the nation of Israel in a time of great national grief, remains true for us today. God reaches out, opens His hands and encourages us with an inscription that we are not like everyone else...

Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands... Isaiah 49.16

{Photos: South Florida National Cemetery - where the body of our friend, "Nick" Nicholson, and the ashes of his wife, Rose, were recently buried together.}

Hunger...

The glory of bread is that it satisfies.

~ John Piper - A Godward Life

I'll open the pantry door and reach for the crackers and chips every time. 

Hunger pains - those steroid and ulcer-induced gnawings - are not patient. They stab and grumble. "Right now," they insist - so I open the pantry and grab the closest food fix to satisfy their greedy demands. 

Junk food - a quick fix. There's no lasting nourishment or fuel for the long haul. Empty calories that weigh me down and do more harm than good - quenching hunger for what truly satisfies, strengthens and heals.

I learn, albeit slowly. 

If bowls of fresh fruit sit full on the kitchen counter, I won't open the pantry. I'll satisfy hunger with nutrient-rich foods that nourish and fuel and heal. 

I learn this, too - when the stabbing pains of life in this broken world gnaw at my soul and eat holes in my heart - and the junk food fixes the world offers weigh me down - I need only eat of the food that truly satisfies, nourishes and heals.

Taste and see that the LORD is good.

{Photos} my kitchen counter

Today is tomorrow - just be helpful...

{A few thoughts from last summer that I need to remember today.}

"Is today tomorrow?" Four year old Mason asked at breakfast one Sunday morning a year ago. 

It sure is. Just that quickly, today is yesterday's tomorrow.

The genuinely gifted author and journalist Andrée Seu made this statement in a message to the women at Bethlehen Baptist last year:

"You don't have to win the Pulitzer Prize, just be helpful...." 

This day - yesterday's tomorrow - may I just be helpful.

It's not as important to be a gifted writer or photographer as it is to make writing and photography a gift.

 

~

{Photo} My beautiful Emily with her adorable niece Addisyn. "Through the Window" photos will be included in tomorrow's "Weekend Wanderings..." 

I Can't explain it...

...but fences and fence posts capture my attention. 

Neighbors who happen to see me out in the pasture early in the morning (sometimes still in my pj's) taking pictures of rotting fence posts must think I've lost it. And truthfully? Most of those photos end up in the trash. I would have deleted this picture of a lichen-covered post if it weren't for those sparkling bokeh jewels in the background. 

It's one of my favorite photography techniques - creating those lovely bokeh pearls like the ones in the field beyond the fence and over the little froggy's head in that photo in the sidebar.

The camera's focus {and my eyes} was on the ugly rotting fence post and barb wire, but the blur and colors of bokeh lights created interest and beauty that could not have been seen with the naked eye alone. 

And I am reminded that much of what I often see in crusty people and rotten circumstances is shallow and superficial, and how desperate I am for Holy Spirit vision that will reveal the beauty and hope I cannot otherwise see and that shines and sparkles just beyond.  

"...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” I Samuel 16:7

It's with my camera that I often walk with Him - seeing beauty and life and light I'd otherwise miss. 

And you? What are some of the ways you walk through this life - where the Holy Spirit peels away what we see on the outside to reveal His heart of love and grace and beauty?

It doesn't seem fair...

...that while hearts are ripped open

and foundations crumble

and families grieve

and hope slips away...



...that I slip away, too

without camera

or phone

or computer.

Without dirty clothes to wash, dinner to cook, cats to feed, or floors to sweep.



For seventy-two hours...

To serve and be served

To listen and love

To pour out and fill up

...and I don't take this slipping-away gift lightly.

For when much is given, much will be required.

Do it afraid....

Relatively speaking, it's a long way to the ground for that tiny butterfly (moth?) from atop that equally tiny flowerhead - but for wings.

That's what faith gives me. Not an absence of fear - but wings to jump off into the deep unknown (metaphorically speaking, of course) knowing God promises He will supply all the wing power I need for the jump.

In his message to us yesterday, Pastor Eric reminded us that fear is the number one hindrance to doing what God asks us to do; and in our small group discussion afterwards, my friend Sam reminded us what I've heard often (and obviously needed to hear again), "Do it afraid - just do it afraid."

That's my chalkboard message to myself for the week: Do It Afraid.

I've confessed an embarrassingly long list of fears that have hindered me - fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of disappointing others, fear of causing others to stumble, fear of saying something stupid, fear of not being good enough, etc. - and in faith I'm jumping out to do what I know God has called (and will equip) me to do.

What about you?

What did you hear in the message from your pastor this week that was meant for you - and what are you going to do about it?

Why disciplines are important...

Earlier this week...

Darkness has barely given way to morning light. I'm still in bed. And exhausted.

I will myself to move. Stand. Every joint burns, and I shuffle and limp from the bed to the kitchen - reaching for support along the way.

Before coffee, I head straight for the meds that promise relief, but my red, swollen fingers won't cooperate. I spill an entire bottle of pills - across the counter, onto the floor, under the stove.

And I want to cry.

At the edge of what feels like defeat, I give my fears a voice.

I don't think I can do this.

Extravagant gifts remain packaged on the dining room table for almost 2 days - a real camera and lenses. Gifts I don't believe I deserve. Gifts I find myself nearly paralyzed to use.

What if this "real" camera proves I'm not a photographer?  What if I'm disappointing God?  What if I'm a disappointment to everyone?

Confidence to do anything - write, speak, photograph, learn, think, cook, or even, love - vaporizes as I let fear and defeat speak into my life.

The day's appointments and possibilities loom menacing before me and the I can'ts and what ifs multiply in a cacophonic chorus.

What if I really can't do what is expected of me anymore?  

I make my way out of the kitchen and ease into my long-established daily rhythms - the renewing of my mind disciplines of study and prayer; and Charles Spurgeon. Oswald Chambers. Ann Voskamp. Scotty Smith. and Paul speak biblical truth to my pitiful, fearful soul.  

Darkness gives way to light, and I'm reminded that nothing depends on me, but to depend on God who strengthens me.

From the heart...

It was a February over twenty years ago that we'd taken stacks of homemade valentines to deliver to the elderly. Physically and mentally disabled, she sat in a wheelchair in the nursing home hallway and repeatedly sang the only words she could remember to a tune of her own.

"I love the Lord and the Lord loves me."

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ~ Mark 12:30 ESV

It's been a difficult winter for my friend's elderly mother. She's frail and weak and disoriented and confused.

She holds her daughter's hand, speaking words sweet and lovely, but forgets who she is or how to brush her teeth.

"How can that be?" My friend wonders.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. ~ Luke 6:45 ESV

And I remember the lady in the wheelchair those many years ago, and how she sang love from her heart.

"Because brushing teeth takes work and thought, but love is from the heart." I tell my friend."

"The true nature of people's hearts can often be seen when they speak off-the-cuff, without reflection." ~ ESV Study Bible

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. ~ Proverbs 4:23 ESV


Photos-splashes of winter color from Pollywog Creek and five week old Addisyn with her adoring Aunt Emily.